Apr 05 | 2023 — The Hanged Man
One of the regularly occurring themes in Tarot is control, or rather our general lack of control. If I were in a beauty pageant and was asked “What will be the downfall of the human race,” I would smile blankly as if in thought and then look deadpan into the camera and state “Greed and need for control.” It’s a huge problem for humanity, and each of us, in our own ways, struggles with our own need for control.
That’s why I do so love The Hanged Man, today’s card. When I was looking at this card in alllllll the decks, I was surprised by how many representations of this card depict The Hanged Man as an opossum, a bat, or a bird in a cage. There were also a lot of snakes throughout the decks, which I think understates the sneaky and corrupting desire for control.
Traditionally, The Hanged Man represents something of a forced time out. It encourages us to step aside from the problems at hand and look at things from a different point of view, a challenge to alter our perceptions and beliefs. It’s also a casual reminder to accept that there are many, many things in our lives that we simply can’t control. The stress and emotional responses that come from dealing with uncontrollable situations can be debilitating and cause us to lash out and make REALLY dumb choices. That’s why The Hanged Man wants us to take a minute and take a look at things from a different angle before making a crazy decision.
Message of the Day: I feel like this card comes at an opportune time for a number of reasons. Yesterday, we were witness to history as a former President of the United States was arrested and charged with 34 felony accounts of fraud and intent to deceive. This has provoked a lot of very strong reactions (on both sides) and social media has been alight with knee-jerk reactions.
Long gone are the days when responses to public playouts were slowed down because it required hand-written letters to be mailed to a newspaper or magazine, published, printed, and read — and then responded to. That took weeks and gave people time to sit and stew in their thoughts and calm down before responding (or second-guessing themselves and letting it go). Now, we literally have condensed that process into something as simple as an emoji that can be sent in less than 5 seconds. There is no time to think, at least not critically. We respond with the first emotional thought that comes to our brain and fire at will. And there it sits, on our Facebook wall or Twitter feed, for all the world to see until we delete it (but even then, there’s no guarantee that your response doesn’t live on somewhere else, unbeknownst to you, much less shared by others). Imagine how less inflammatory our world would be if we didn’t have the ability to instantly publish our unfiltered thoughts. It just takes a smidgeon of self-control. And what’s scary is this is now the “normal” for our kids. Not only do they respond with their initial thoughts, but they feel ENTITLED to do so.
That brings me to my second reason why this is a fitting day for The Hanged Man to hang his head. Last night, we took a peep at our son’s TikTok comments (which we thought his locked-down child account didn’t allow him to comment… we were wrong, it only prevents people from commenting on HIS posts.). The disappointment, people. The language this boy used (and he is a very intelligent child), was jaw-dropping, particularly for someone who is so judgmental. I brought it to his attention when he got out of the shower, and he just stood there staring at me, like he had no idea what I was referring to. When I read the responses he immediately knew. I think this is also the first time where I’m seeing him recognize his own mistakes and be angry with himself. I don’t think he really knew how to express it, so we just left him to his own. But man, I was so disappointed when I read those things. We’ve taught him better, and he KNOWS better. He was goaded into saying those things by a particular content creator, and my son literally looked surprised when he understood what he’d done.
The Hanged Man, in all this? What can I control? I can’t MAKE my child believe things and act in certain ways. I can’t snap my fingers and make him suddenly be socially responsible and understand the impact of his choices. I can’t MAKE him not be an asshole when he doesn’t like what’s going on. He’s 10 years old (God help us) and the only thing I CAN do is try to be an example, teach solid, moral principles, and help him learn from his mistakes. My getting upset by his mistakes, comments, and attitudes is on me. I can’t control him, but I CAN do my best to control my emotional responses.
I’ve actually talked to my son about The Hanged Man a few months ago, about the need to take a step back and think about things before acting. It actually has helped some. It’s hard to keep that concept at front-of-mind (for anyone, much less a kid with ADHD), but I appreciate that he understood the concept and took the time to think about it.
It makes me stop and ask: How does The Hanged Man manifest in my life? Is he content to take that time to think, or does he struggle in his bindings? Where do I feel I need control and why? How can the idea of The Hanged Man help me release some of that control to feel better about things, reduce my anxiety, and be happier? How can The Hanged Man’s influence make me a better parent? Husband? Son? Friend?
Decks shown above:
