Jan 19 | 2023 — III of Wands
Happy first day of non-Mercury Retrograde! For those of you who were unaffected by its malice and bullshit, my hat’s off to you. And those who suffered unjustly by its cruel and unfeeling shadow, you have my deepest of sympathies and celebrate that things can only get better.
Today’s card is the III of Wands. To me, this is the “hurry up and wait” card. In the traditional Rider-Waite-Smith version of the card, we see a man on a cliff overlooking the sea, holding on to and surrounded by his three staves. On the sea, there are ships sailing away into the distance. This is often seen as someone who has put his plans in place and “launched his ships” to do his bidding and is now waiting to see the outcome.
Message of the Day: If I had to pick one personal characteristic that we as humans have the most difficult time accepting, I would definitely choose our need for control. Every major problem in life seems to stem from a desire for control. Religion, wars, governments, schools, parents, teenagers, even the fucking weather. We CRAVE control. And when we don’t have that control, it can manifest in really horrible ways.
The III of Wands, to me, is about how hard waiting can be and how it challenges our personal need for control. This theme is repeated in the Tarot in a number of different cards (The Hanged Man, IX of Swords, The Star, Wheel of Fortune… it’s everywhere).
When we internalize this card, we have to think about our own need for control. How does it affect my relationships? My job? My own mental health? How does my need for control appear in my daily life? Does this need for control have a positive or negative effect on who I am?
It’s a lot of tough questions to answer and even tougher, perhaps, to consider that your need for control is an issue that is causing you harm in ways you may not have thought about.
Having your own personal time to sit and reflect (meditate, if you will) is helpful to identify and come to terms with the level of control we NEED to have in our lives vs. the amount of control we WANT. Because, at the end of the day, there is a limit to what we can control, and allowing ourselves to get worked up over something we can’t control is self-defeating. A personal example is my own physical reaction to the 2016 election, and the lack of control I felt. It was debilitating and still has lingering effects to this day.
For those of us with kids, I think our biggest challenge as parents is managing control, particularly as they grow up and so fiercely battle us for their own sense of independence and control (especially when they have little to no self-control). It’s fucking hard. But you can’t physically make them do something — only encourage them, set good examples, and hope for the best. Parenting is literally a III of Wands moment, as you launch your kids out into the world, hands-free, and all you can do is wait and see how they turn out.
Control also affects our sense of expectation. How do you handle yourself when something doesn’t meet your expectation? Do you blow up? Do you yell? Do you sigh and mutter under your breath? How important was that expectation anyway?
Your challenge for the day: Grab some paper and make a list of what you feel you need to control in your life and some of your expectations. Be honest and write that shit down. As you begin to think about things, you’ll quickly identify things you need to relax and let go of because IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. Embrace what you CAN control and allow yourself to be “okay” with what you can’t. (Is it going to kill you if your kid hangs their shirt up backwards? No. Will the world stop turning if the house isn’t spotless for when your parents come to visit? No. Life happens. It’s real, and we have to be flexible and adjust to our situations in a healthy way.)
Decks shown above:
