May 11 | 2023 — IV of Cups
I used to think that I understood the IV of Cups. I had always been taught this is a meditative card about a missed opportunity or not seeing what’s before you (willingly or not). And it’s not that it isn’t correct… those meanings certainly apply. It was just, perhaps, a little underbaked. But focusing on this card and thinking of what it represents has changed my perception and understanding of how to apply this card in a reading.
To me, this is now a card of disappointment. Being that this is a card of Cups, this is working in the emotional realm. The foundation of this card is a person in need of self-care. This is a situation where it can represent being both over- AND underwhelmed, possibly at the same time. I see this as a card of sadness, even a little depressive.
Whatever has happened in this card, it has enveloped the figure sitting beneath the tree and they have closed themselves off. In short, they are in a rut. This person feels disillusioned with the things that once brought them joy or feels like they are missing out on something that they can’t quite grasp. This fourth cup, presenting a new opportunity, goes unnoticed as the person is too preoccupied and focused on their current disappointment to notice it. They are stuck in their disappointment and sadness. Oh no… this is another Swamp of Sadness card with Artax and Atreyu in The Neverending Story.
As this is a number four card (numerology), this is a card that’s looking for emotional stability and structure. I feel like there is a desire for something predictable and routine that meets expectations… but everything has fallen short so far.
Message of the Day: We have all found ourselves sitting under the tree of the IV of Cups. We get ourselves stuck in an emotional rut where we are disappointed in where things are in life. We are overwhelmed by so much going on (and going wrong) that we can’t help but dwell on the negative. Our buckets are empty and it’s hard enough to even stop and take a deep breath, much less give a fuck about anything. Everything at this point just rolls over us. The disappointment, sadness, and frustration are heavy and weigh us down to the point where we want to give up. So we recede into ourselves and hide away.
The sad part about this is that the hole o’ negativity we hide in is dark and prevents us from seeing any of the positive things happening outside. We lock ourselves inside; not only does that prevent us from getting out, but prevents others from getting in. This happens to everyone many times throughout their lives. And it’s ok to hide away in the bushes while you have a chance to recoup as long as you don’t move in and let that be your defacto state of being.
Perhaps the answer to this card is Resilience. I know it’s impossible (especially when you have children… or parents who act like children) to not be affected by the bullshit that goes on in life. It’s very easy to get swept away in the drama and theatrics of it all. The notion of “resilience” doesn’t imply that you can avoid it; resilience just means you are able to withstand the storm. I guess in a sense, it’s like hurricane prep (apologies and congratulations to those who have never had to do this). You do what you can to fortify your surroundings. You board up windows; you bring in loose, lightweighted things that can fly around and become high-speed projectiles of death; you hope and pray it’s over quickly with minimal damage. If you prepare ahead of time, you can control some of the damage that comes at you, although even the most-prepared person is not always able to make it out completely unharmed.
Resilience is something that has to be learned, kinda like getting vaccinated. (If only there were a vaccine for other people’s bullshit.) Tolerance can grow over time. Here are eight thoughts on how to build emotional resilience so you CAN be prepared when the next storm comes (‘cos we ALL know it’s coming):
- Set boundaries: Identify what is and isn’t acceptable behavior from those around you and stick to those boundaries. This means you’ll have to let them know what you’re ok with and what you’re not. That also means being honest. Sticking to your boundaries also means being consistent, otherwise, they will find the hole in your fence every time.
- Practice self-care: Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Exercise is important, but so is doing things that bring you joy (because, at least for me, exercise is NOT one of the things that bring me joy…).
- Talk it out: Talk with people you care about to vent and get perspective. Use it as a time to recharge. Remember as well that life exists outside this problem, and you can use the time to vent, don’t allow it to inundate your time together (unless it’s your therapist; then take every goddamn minute you pay for).
- Reframe your thinking: Instead of getting caught up in negative thought patterns, try to reframe your thinking to be more positive and constructive. Yes, it’s fucking hard. The negative is always easier to lean into, but it feels so damn terrible, it’s worth fighting against.
- Practice empathy: Try to understand the perspectives of others and try to approach situations with more compassion and understanding.
- Focus on what you can control: Rather than getting caught up in the drama, focus on the things you can control in your own life. We cannot force people to act a certain way. We can try to influence them, but they are their own person and are responsible for their own fuckups. It is not our responsibility to force control. Demanding compliance is just our way of trying to control the storm.
- Let go of grudges: Holding grudges can become toxic and drain your emotional energy, not to mention damage your relationships. Channel your inner Elsa and let it fucking go.
- Maintain perspective: Remember that the situation is temporary — even if that means lasting a few months. Things will change and improve. Try to keep things in perspective by focusing on the “big picture” and treating the “moment” with the appropriate response.
Thankfully, the IV of Cups is just a card in the Minor Arcana; it is NOT a life theme (nor a lifestyle). When you find yourself inundated with disappointment and negativity, take a moment to reflect and step out of yourself. Look at the world around you from a birds-eye view and let it help you recenter yourself.
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Originally posted in Pixel-Tarot.com on May 11, 2023.
